Because It Was Too Close For Comfort | Omalee Blog

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Because It Was Too Close For Comfort


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"I understand when you don't remember to return my call or reply to my  messages. I truly understand"...tears  brimmed down my face, I had my phone in my hand, I watched the  message  delivered to  Steve's  whatsapp inbox, I waited eagerly to get his reply, it all seemed  strange to me, just few  months ago Steve  was the  person waiting to see me reply to his messages  or return his calls.
I wasn't  heartless  nor insensitive  I was  only  being  careful, it  seemed odd to me  hooking up with a  guy I've  had some  closeness with  his friend, Ray my  former date was  Steve's  school  mate and  close friend,I met  Ray during my 6 months  industrial attachment at a food  manufacturing  company .

Ray was  transferred to another  branch  a month after  my  arrival at the company  before then we had this  spark of attraction between us, Ray had this  charisma that  made it so easy to  notice him and  get attached to him, he was friendly and free, we already  picked up  constant  private chats so when  he left to his new  office  we continued, the build up was  interesting, it looked real and fulfilling, it made me anticipate  my next conversation with him.

Deep down inside of me I craved for something  stable, I was  22 and  single, I've not been in any  serious relationship in recent time ,almost done with studies I looked  forward to creating a whole new  steady relationship that could make out something tangible in the end.

Ray was everything I dreamt of having  my  man look like, handsome, charismatic with a good job, he was  caring if I'd  judge from the little time I've  spent with him.

So a little far away from me, i related with Ray through the internet, chats, calls etc,
We became so close, it felt good,  I was already  painting a picture of how our relationship will  look like.

Ray told me he was  pursuing a course on management that if it works out he'd  have to  leave the food company and focus on the course. In the time I was with Ray it was difficult for me to say exactly what I  meant to him, he was here and there, he didn't  make it obvious but  I knew he was seeing other girls, every now and then he used different girls  pictures on his profile, when I ask he'd tell him they were his cousins or childhood friends celebrating their  birthdays or that he just saw  a cute pics of theirs and decided to  make them feel good,
I  took his explanations  bitterly, I noticed  Ray likes sex a lot,he wants me to visit him every time and  these  visits were  all about sex, Ray can go on having sex with  me for a whole day, when I try to  make him understand how improper it was, he'd  always get angry and  he'd  become  moody and  would  end  up  not talking to me for  days.

It made me sad and  lonely spending days without him, I would  always go back to him and apologise, we would  make up and he'd start all over again. I was a slave to  his passion.
I had two months  more to stay in the company when  Ray resigned, he got his admission to study further, the  university was in another city so he  moved away, this time it means we can only see  sparingly. I was  broken, I missed  Ray a lot and  feared for our fragile  relationship. Because I couldn't  trust  Ray to be careful not to  harm what we  were building  I had to resign to fate.

It came too soon,Before Ray left yo his new school he told me that his phone was bad ,he said he would work on it or get a new one.two weeks after Ray packed out it became almost impossible for me to get through to him ,it's either his phone was switched off  or he's not picking,it was hard for me to cope,I was used to talking to him almost on daily basis. the times he'd pick he'd tell me that he's busy with one thing or the other and he'd promise to call me. I'd wait for days on end.

I became miserable, there's nobody to talk yo because we kept our relationship private. It was terrible time for me.Ray was busy posting photos of him and other girls and sometimes guys but he'd tell me that his phone was bad.

Before I  could realize it one harrowing month has gone and my relationship with Ray  was blank with no direction, I spent most nights crying on my phone, I'd hold my phone after calling and texting Ray and cry,I pleaded with him to please remember how we started and the times we shared, I waited endlessly to see a change but the more I tried the more Ray drift away.


One evening I was sick and I feit empty. I needed to talk to a loved one. I called Ray to tell him how I was feeling, he picked up and started screaming at me, he said a lot of things but the only thing I wanted to remember was him telling me that "I was a pin,that I don't let him rest",he said it's not everyday we would talk"

I dropped my phone beside me and cried ,I didn't know where I wronged Ray,it was frightening realizing how deep I allowed myself sink into his emotions, I became a wreck.
For weeks I cried ,I couldn't  do anything  my thoughts and acts were  scattered, I hurt knowing  Ray  deliberated  shut me out, I wondered  endlessly if at all he truly  loved me? It was difficult to get him out of my mind
I was out to pick up stuff that evening when I ran into Steve, I've seen him twice after Ray's departure, he's Ray's school mate and both of them had a decent relationship. Steve pulled over and offered me a ride to wherever, I accepted majorly because I wanted to talk to him about Ray,expectedly he asked about us and I opened up to him,I told him everything that my relationship with Ray had become. Steve told me he wasn't surprised, he knew Ray so well,he told me he knew he's merely wasting time with me but he felt I'd find out myself ,he said it was not his duty to tell me as that would portray him as a spoiler,I was  shocked hearing  Steve's  thought  but it  wasn't  his fault, he was been his friend's  keeper .

Steve became a regular in my  house, his visits  were  soul-lifting,he talked to me on the  telephone whenever  he couldn't  come over, gradually  I started  feeling better, I found  myself  smiling and  looking forward to  going out  with  Steve to shop or just  people watch.

One evening  after we'd  gone out to the  park ,Steve  pulled me  back to himself and  kissed me  passionately ,he'd  opened the door of the  car for me, I'd  stepped out  and  already  started to  walk into  the  verandah when he walked up to me, I closed my eyes in mixed  feelings, the  kisd was  warming and I liked it but it was  odd  coming from  Steve.

I wouldn't say that I wasn't expecting that to happen anytime soon but I didn't want it, I was afraid it  may cause  strains in our  cordial relationship  because I have  Ray somewhere at the corner of my  heart and  Steve  was his friend!!

Recently  our  hanging out took a new dimension with  Steve  always going  privately in our discussions, often when I was alone  my  mind  drifted to him, waves of emotions  ran through  my nerves and veins  but I shut it down as quickly as I could, I can't  date  Steve  no it was too close for comfort.

But Steve  disagreed "I'm not  Ray's  relative ,we weren't  great friends back in school, we just clicked  because  we found ourselves in a  strange  land "Steve explained  but I wouldn't  have any of it.

Steve  pleaded and  did everything to make me understand his feeling was genuine but I remained  adamant


It's almost one year ago ,I didn't know where Steve is nor know anything about him, I see him online on social media platforms ,he'd not  message me nor like  any of my  posts, I don't message him either, Something started happening to me, I started  missing  Steve and longing to be with him, I felt bad for  rejecting him previously, now that I want him I'm  confused about how to go about  getting him to look my way.
I messaged him 'hello'he replied within seconds  and  I was  happy.,we had a light chat ,the  next day I chatted him up again  he'd always reply  then I called  him, he picked up ,we talked a little and he told me he wanted to go back to work and  promised to call again .

I am still waiting for his call, all of a sudden I'm  feeling emotional and  acting like Steve is being  wicked but I had my  chance!! Steve may be trying to be polite but it's obvious  he's gone from me ,what he'd felt for me  has obviously wilt ,he is definitely  with another girl, I felt tears  run down  my cheeks, I want to have  Steve  back  ,if only he would  I promise to love him to the  moon and back
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