How Much Longer Should I Wait Before You Tell Me Who I am To You? | Omalee Blog

Sunday, May 19, 2019

How Much Longer Should I Wait Before You Tell Me Who I am To You?


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It is not about freaking out for him,no at least after four or more years I already knew what his plans were, it is really that he has and never had any plans for me and absolutely no space for a permanent  link with me,yet he won't let me be.

 I saw his messages at first I didn't want to read it,but that's one of the impossible things for me,avoiding Kay in all spheres.
You know there are people we just can't keep away in life, once in awhile they come our way,we meet them.

They treat us badly,we know they aren't treating us properly, but we stay,we stay hoping they will realise  our worth,hoping they will understand how much we love them and wish they will value us  and love us just same way.

In most cases it all end in illusion, they're not interested in having something more.

My meeting Kay happened  like a moonlight tale,he was popular, a football player with a popular European top club,I knew his name already because he's always in the news,I heard he lost his father,at that time I had no close relationship with him apart from social media connection.

We met at my bestie Nelly's birthday party,it was summer so Kay was in town and hanged out with his friends, he came asking for a dance, I recognised him but it was until I explained we had social connections  that he had to take a look at his profile,I've been his fan for so long.

We talked about his father's death,his holiday and no he doesn't like talking about his career as a footballer "when the season begin we can talk about the game,for now I want to know about the world outside the pitch, I did miss that" he said, taking my hand he led me to his table and I sat in the seat next to him,"Now tell me about your beautiful self"

The conversation continued  after the party,the phone calls got into midnights,texts came in between sleep, it was amazing how it all clicked, waking up to his early morning "how are you" text and sometimes phone calls as early as 6 am ,he was unique in his style,
we  became   each other's genda,not  any one of us  can do anything without firstly knowing what the other person was doing.

But Kay had no plans for me in his life, he didn't ask for a relationship, we talked love, we talked about making babies, we talked about the future but it was not exclusive.

He had interest in my career and supported me ,he invited me over to his base couple of times,in all the times I visited, he was the nicest host ever,I had loads of fun,he took me around the city and few other cities.

Maybe I wanted more than he was willing to give ,I didn't even know how much he wanted to give, it  was okay with him calling me pet names,hugging me and kissing me.

I knew I liked him a lot,as time went on the fondness grew into strong emotions  it was over a year still I couldn't pin who I was to him or who he was to me."can we talk about something? "I mustered courage one day and asked him during one of our unending chats " okay my pretty "he replied.

" I feel I'm feeling something more than likeness for you but I'm only a woman, I can't do much "I wrote.I was getting tired of using different love emojis and pet names."it's mutual"he wrote,"I feel we understood each other and we're letting things grow  without forcing anything" he wrote ,then I paused.

Things remained the way they were,he'd play games so the conversations  were limited I concluded its better I try other options, I became unavailable,he also became scarce,popped up once in a long  hours to ask how I was doing, I had no claim on him because I wasn't his "anything"

Then his text came in after almost two years,I realized I missed him a lot but he hasn't changed, he hasn't mentioned anything about us  having a relationship,I didn't want to ask either ,I feel he should be able to say something tangible or could it be the way he is?I dont think  I should keep staying ,I'd just leave him alone.

He is 29 and I'm 25 years old,we are old enough to know it's a waste of time.
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