Omalee Blog : toxic relationship
Showing posts with label toxic relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toxic relationship. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Wrong Dating,I Know Everything Is Wrong About Loving Him But I Don't Want To Stop.

Lovers out on a date.


You have ever been with a wrong  date?Have you ever loved someone so deeply that it  felt like your life is worthless without them?they lied to you severally yet you accepted it and wished it's the truth?

The lies were so much because he needed to conceal his identity, he refused to change his relationship status on Facebook because he wanted to hide the truth,I found out all of these ,still I can't keep away from him.

"Cheryl  you're a fool" my immediate younger sister spat out at me,I know but I was cool with that, Franklin  was my life and that's all I cared about, ours wasn't a healthy relationship but It's the sweetest I have had and I loved him like no other

 I fell in Love with Franklin, you know the early morning text and late night conversations at weekends. He crept into my heart with his dotting and caring.Franklin was  an amazing dude,his charisma and confidence  was out of this world.

He lived in Saudi Arabia and I lived in the UK,his busy schedule as a medical doctor gave him little space for traveling so we made do with calling and messaging.

Holiday came and we agreed to travel  for the winter  break  .we're from the same country but different States, We  met in London and travelled home together, we got into the capital territory and decided to spend two days before  leaving for our various home,till date it remained the best two days to remember,

I knew Franklin was caring but staying closer to him   made me realise the gem I got in a man,it was a love filled-fun packed breathtaking two days,simply put Franklin was sweeter than honey,more romantic than Romeo,

It was hard for us to leave each other's company but we had to because it was the festive  period and we had to meet up  with our different  families.Reluctantly he returned to his state  while I traveled to my own state, we agreed to meet  two days after Christmas day..

Two days to the day we scheduled to meet Franklin called me to tell me that  we should postpone the appointment because of some family engagements he needed to fix,he hasn't been home in the past two years so everybody  was  waiting for him.

I cried like a baby,he pleaded with me and   asked   that I should understand and bear with him, I've gotten used to Franklin keeping me company ,on the phone though, that visit was the needed opportunity for us to spend  more real time together and see if something real could happen between us for good.I was heartbroken.

After Christmas celebration he told me we could meet on 3td January, again he cancelled it,I didn't find any word that could describe how horrible I felt.My younger sister didn't find it funny at all, she felt I had too much expectations and I was being over dependent on a guy I had  no solid relationship with.

I clinged  to my sister and saw the holiday to an end,with the festive period over, I packed my stuff and headed to Lagos ,I'd spend few days in Lagos before traveling back to the UK,Surprisingly Franklin  showed up,he  apologized,gave all manner  of excuses and promised to be good, at this point my gut already warned me to be careful.

I was careful though but Franklin was exceptionally good.He was  kind,caring and amazingly romantic,I can say I was lost in lust for him

It wasn't  easy for me to keep him away from me,once his eyes locked with mine.I'd  melt and get  consumed in his endearing passion . I believed he  was truly crowded so I forgave him.

Back in Europe life continued .I enjoyed his  endless doing.He gave me everything and more,He wouldn't tell me much about his family "I'm the person in love with you and not my family" Franklin would tell me whenever I asked questions about his immediate family, I'm good in respecting boundaries so I'd always leave talks about his family out of our discussions

One evening my sister sent a message that I should come on WhatsApp ,I did and she sent me two photographs. I opened it and saw Franklin carrying a new born baby with the caption "Thank God for his blessings.Little Hildah is here"

There's no denying it,Franklin was married.


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Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Signs You're In A Toxic Relationship And How To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship..


Girl in a toxic relationship.

 ( 1)The effort is often one sided and you feel like you're always putting more into the relationship than they are doing

 ( 2)Your partner tried to cut you off from your close friends and family

 (3)Trust issues leading to unending ending suspicions

 (4)You're left crying most of the time

(5) Important dates are often forgotten

(6)You're being criticized over the silliest things

(7)Even though you all are in a relationship,you still feel lonely with them


Possible Red Flags,Staying And Hoping For  A Change Usually Is  Short changing 

Sometimes  we choose  impossible  individuals so that  we can validate  just  how  lovable we are, we believe  that  if we can make  them  fall in love  with us then we know that  we're  as desirable  as our intuition  tells us

You're  right -you are as desirable  and  lovable as you  sense that you are,
You  don't  need a broken  individual  to just  show that you're in a relationship. I always  tell people around me that  my mental health is my mostpriority  ,I will  rather  lose anyone  than lose  my peace.

I tried to get my ex to love me for many years.  I believed that everything in my life would finally work out if I could only help him do what I know he wanted to do, what he claimed he felt at one point - that was to love me.  I could see that I was making a difference in his life - small improvements, tiny indicators that my love was what he needed to love me in return.
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The feminine energy of a conscious woman is highly intoxicating to men.  A man in relationship with you will prove this by what he does and says, but the question is - is he giving you an equal share in return, or is he being fed by your energy and avoiding the real work because he’s as full as he desires to be from you, but giving scraps in return?this also apply to a man in a love relationship with a woman, are you getting enough or you're just the only one giving?
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So many of my clients have ocome to me attached to men who don’t have the ability to give the kind of love they deserve.  Some are in relationships with married men.  Some are in relationships with men who insist on an open relationship to help their partner demonstrate how consciously she has overcome jealousy.  Most women have had or are in relationships with men who claim they are committed to growth, but their actions demonstrate the fact that they’re stuck.
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There is no woman magical enough to change or unstick a man.  The reason we try to save or change a man is to avoid the introspection and work we actually need to do on ourselves.  When we become the most magnificent version of ourselves we don’t settle for men with ‘potential,’ we know our worth and are committed to the ideal of a magnificent man with just as much to give.
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I’m such a pleaser at my core, but through experience and growth I’ve learned to have high standards, maintain my boundaries, say “No” to what doesn’t serve my greatest good and the result has been that I have the kind of relationship with my partner, my family and even my ex where I am treated with the dignity that I deserve.
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The reason we hold on to hope, give up our ideals and lower our expectations is the wounds from our past.  We all deserve love and dignity and until we experience it and are held to the high standards we should have for ourselves it’s easy to slip back and allow loneliness, self-doubt or fear to cloud our judgement.  Making a permanent change and adopting a commitment to high standards requires support of our own.
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Maybe now is the time to develop a deeper relationship with that family member or friend whose choices and relationships you respect and admire.  Maybe there’s a mentor that you had at one point in life that it’s time to reconnect to.  Maybe you can find the strength to finally keep the standards that you committed to at one point because you realize what you’re modelling to your children is not the choices that will serve their greatest good.
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We’re not designed to do it alone.  Everyone needs someone who sees the greatness in them, who holds space to work through the pain and regret of their past and is willing to be honest about the things in life that need to change to create magnificent relationships.  Instead of making a man your priority, why not make yourself your priority?
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Every day I get to observe how this type of commitment radically changes the lives of the clients I work with.  Whether it’s letting go of decades of emotional baggage, recreating the relationships with family and children, or raising their standards and manifesting the relationship they desire.  I never get used to seeing how dramatically lives change in such a short amount of time.
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If you’d like personal support in your journey or you’d like information about being part of a private group of  men and women who are committed to supporting each other in creating a life of high standard, send me a message on email chicrystal90@gmail,com
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